Are You Mom or Mommy?

Mommy loves Lovely Daughter!

I try to be Mommy even though Lovely Daughter is now 21.  Sometimes I’m Mom, but I don’t think I’ve ever been Mother.  My mother:  Mother.  Long story, but as the saying goes, “You can’t always get what you want.”  Lord knows I’ve made mistakes along the way, but there is no doubting my love for my children.

I have three children: one biological and two older stepsons in their early 30s.  I love my kids with all my heart because love doesn’t come from a cord.  When asked how many kids I have, I say, “Three.”  Also, my stepsons’ three children are MY grandbabies (even though I am NOT old enough to have given birth to these two stepsons–repeat, I am NOT old enough!); they know me as Grammy and will always know me as Grammy.  How lucky are they to have three grandmommies?!

This Mother’s Day I was fortunate that Lovely Daughter came home from college to cook me Eggs Benedict with fresh fruit and Mimosas.  Lovely Daughter is finally, I do believe, exhibiting signs of inheriting my love of cooking-—check out that beautiful homemade Hollandaise!  Egads, it was amazing!

On my friend Kim’s blog, she had a wonderful poem which I would love to share with you.  I so, so love this:

Not flesh of my flesh,
nor bone of my bone,
but still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
you didn’t grow under my heart – but in it.

And yes, when I talk to my boys, I refer to myself as Stepmommy!

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21 ~ A Love Note to My Daughter

Mom, we’re not the Gilmore Girls.

Knife in the chest.  You uttered those words to me about four years ago and my heart sunk.  You adored the Gilmore Girls and were enthralled by the close mother/daughter television relationship.  I wanted us to be the Gilmore Girls.  I tried too hard, eh?  Or maybe I didn’t try hard enough. . . .

Remember when I bought you the sewing machine because I thought it would be so cute for us to sew together?  Remember the mother/daughter knitting lessons?  Remember the “fun” canoe and fishing trips?  Sorry, so very sorry. . . .  To say I’m thrilled you asked for knives and cookbooks for this special 21st birthday is an understatement.  Finally, a hobby we have in common!

From the moment I held you in my arms 21 years ago, I have never wanted to let you go.   I’m your biggest fan and you are my Pink Warrior.  Recently, while stalking you on the internet (yes, I am guilty!) I found your high school newspaper and your bio said, “[her] most life changing experience was when her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. ”  You never shared that with me; my dream is that a good life changing experience replaces that one.

I hope you feel we did a good job.  I look at you and realize what a strong, sensitive, independent, march-to-the-beat-of-your-own-drum child we raised.  I know we were strict and ran a tight ship but it was all done with love and concern.  You’re blossoming before our eyes into a lovely young woman.  It’s amazing and scary all at the same time, isn’t it?

I know you are making decisions in your life now that will determine your future.  We’re trying hard to understand and respect your choices.  We’re so proud of you.  You’re scary smart, amazing, funny, and have a bright future ahead of you.  I know your future will include being an advocate for those who need help and that makes me so happy.  I would also love to see you back acting because I know you miss it—I regret discouraging you from majoring in theatre.  You, my dear, are Oscar-worthy, and I know acting is one of your passions.  Don’t ever let go of your dreams and passions.  Our chameleon child, changing all the times.

Itty Bitty, there’s so much more I want to say to you, but I’d rather say the rest while holding on tightly to you, okay?

You are my sunshine.

Meet My Father-in-Law

Everyone is the age of their heart.~Guatemalan Proverb

That handsome man above is my father-in-law. I took this snapshot at his 90th birthday party.  He was watching his great-grandson splash, upside down on his hands and feet, through a puddle. This picture makes me smile because it depicts my father-in-law perfectly.  I have never, ever seen him in anything but a good mood.  Ever.  I have never heard him speak an ill word about anyone.  Ever.  He is kind and gentle.

My husband was a late-in-life baby, and “the baby” of the brood.  He tells me this kind temperament is the only way his father has ever been, even when my husband, as a teenager, accidentally shot off a gun in his dad’s basement.  I would have beaten my kid within an inch of his/her life.  Forget the gun, my hands would have been deadly weapons!

There are so, so many crazy stories of my husband’s teenage years.  His father is a saint.

Oh, and here’s the best part:  this past Monday my father-in-law handed in his two-week notice.   How awesome is that?   Happy 90th Lawrence—you really are the cream of the crop!

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