State of the (Un)Union

Not our divorce; why so much pain?

I’ve blogged before about the awesome friends/couples Better Half and I have.   So why did one of them screw it all up?  I should mention that by “one of them” I mean ½ of the couple.  Better Half and I are reeling and experiencing a wide variety of emotions.   I feel something bordering on rage, and I’m not really sure why.  I am almost taking this personally.  Well, not almost, I am taking this personally.  I guess if any of us had heard any inkling of dissatisfaction it wouldn’t be such a shock, but when I say none of us saw this coming, I really mean it.

Better Half is imploring me to remember our marriage is rock solid, and I need to stop trying to transfer one person’s crisis (midlife?) into our lives, but it’s hard.  If someone we knew so well can undo his 30-year marriage by muttering a few words. . . .

I now have a friend experiencing pain and agony.  She’s scared, and I feel helpless.   She visited us for three days and I tried to help her make sense of this mess, but I’m probably not the right person because even I can’t make sense of it in my nugget.  Better Half and I have expressed that we will remain friends with both parties and there are no “sides” but at the point I am unable to talk to the husband.

It seems divorce is going around.  Now there is a young couple in our family getting divorced.  It makes me so sad to see couples giving up so easily.  Marriage is hard work.  It’s never 50/50 and shouldn’t be.  Sometimes I’m only capable of giving 15%, but I know Better Half is pulling 85%, and he’s okay with that.  I try to return the favor when I can, although I know it’s more than likely him pulling more weight.  Gosh darn it, I love that man.

Any tips for dealing with this range of emotions or tips for my friend?

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