State of the (Un)Union

Not our divorce; why so much pain?

I’ve blogged before about the awesome friends/couples Better Half and I have.   So why did one of them screw it all up?  I should mention that by “one of them” I mean ½ of the couple.  Better Half and I are reeling and experiencing a wide variety of emotions.   I feel something bordering on rage, and I’m not really sure why.  I am almost taking this personally.  Well, not almost, I am taking this personally.  I guess if any of us had heard any inkling of dissatisfaction it wouldn’t be such a shock, but when I say none of us saw this coming, I really mean it.

Better Half is imploring me to remember our marriage is rock solid, and I need to stop trying to transfer one person’s crisis (midlife?) into our lives, but it’s hard.  If someone we knew so well can undo his 30-year marriage by muttering a few words. . . .

I now have a friend experiencing pain and agony.  She’s scared, and I feel helpless.   She visited us for three days and I tried to help her make sense of this mess, but I’m probably not the right person because even I can’t make sense of it in my nugget.  Better Half and I have expressed that we will remain friends with both parties and there are no “sides” but at the point I am unable to talk to the husband.

It seems divorce is going around.  Now there is a young couple in our family getting divorced.  It makes me so sad to see couples giving up so easily.  Marriage is hard work.  It’s never 50/50 and shouldn’t be.  Sometimes I’m only capable of giving 15%, but I know Better Half is pulling 85%, and he’s okay with that.  I try to return the favor when I can, although I know it’s more than likely him pulling more weight.  Gosh darn it, I love that man.

Any tips for dealing with this range of emotions or tips for my friend?

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. JulieD
    Jul 13, 2011 @ 14:52:33

    I’m sorry I have no tips, I’m so sorry for your friends and the young couple in your family. It’s hard to know what’s going on inside every relationship. I’m sure when one party is willing to give up, the other side is hurt and doesn’t know what to do. I just remember when someone my age got a divorce, I thought it was so strange…that only happens to people older than me…sigh. I just can’t imagine. Lisa, I’m glad yours is rock solid and I know mine is too…your husband sounds a lot like mine. Hugs!

    Reply

  2. Counselor
    Jul 13, 2011 @ 11:18:03

    This has been an “eye opener” on several levels. I guess no marriage is 100% safe. However, I know we are blessed with good men. Still, this makes me want to try harder to be a better wife.

    Reply

  3. Janet Taber
    Jul 13, 2011 @ 07:50:15

    A very sad business….

    Reply

  4. Sue
    Jul 12, 2011 @ 23:40:04

    Lisa,
    I am so glad it is not you! Just keep being there for your friend and be aware that trying to be friends with both will not be easy. I got divorced 19 years ago from my first husband and it is never easy. God bless you and your friends!

    Reply

    • Karma Per Diem
      Jul 13, 2011 @ 07:22:26

      Me too! :-) I know some people start off with good intentions of having an “amicable” divorce, but I too know that is truly rare despite the best intentions. I think I feel betrayed in a weird sense….

      Reply

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